My original purpose of starting a blog was to archive my life slowly, bit by bit.
As I read through my blog archives briefly today, I began to notice a pattern. It was too distinct for me to miss.

I have changed a lot. Its visible in the way I type my blog entries.
Previously, I never bothered much with typing properly. There's short forms everywhere and the sentences are never proper. Other than that, I used to flood my blog posts with smiley faces.

Interesting, huh? You don't see those anymore.

Well, one reason is because I don't smile as much. So the expression doesn't get onto my blog.

Another thing is that the cheery tone in my previous blog posts last year had died down completely. I just talk about everything in a monotone now. Its because I am no longer cheerful.

I used to blog about everything that happened to me each day. Oh, the homework. Ah, the food I ate. Something like 'Guess what happened to me today?' each day. Every minor thing used to seem so interesting.
Nowadays, I begin to blog less about myself, because I have become something like a blank book, closer to stone than human. I start talking about philosophy, about the world. There's more life elsewhere than inside me.

I feel like I am being crushed by something coporeal, something I can't see, yet I know it is there. I wish I could uncork my emotions, but try as I may, I cannot find the cork.
I forgot the time when I last felt true happiness, or true sadness. Because I seem to have lost all emotion. I began searching for it a while back this year, but no matter how hard I searched, I couldn't find it in myself. It's as if there was a void in my heart, sucking everything into oblivion. Is it suppressed? Or is it there no more?

I killed all my emotions when I wanted to stop the pain long ago. In the process, I sacrificed happiness and everything else. All the emotions. Gone.
Now I wish I can feel the pain again. Because after all, at the very least, I will know that I am human.

I apologise if I appear to be cold or ever appeared to be cold. I merely lost all my emotions. That's all.