Its been the 2nd day.
I am slowly picking up the pieces.
Hoping to pick myself back up again.
But I know how fragile it is
It could easily shatter to a zillion pieces again

It was a long night.
I am starting to understand how someone felt.
The sense of helplessness. Wanting someone to be beside me.
An aimless wander. Not knowing what to do.
Not thinking of the consequences.
Feeling devastated.

On the other hand, the perspective of the one worrying.
Worrying for the person.
Afraid that the person might do the wrong things.
Wanting to find that person.
To bring that person back.
Or to just be with that person to ensure the safety of that person.

I have been through both perspectives.
How ironic.
I have seen such stuffs happening on TV one too many times.
Yet I find it happening to me.
Like a dream.
Yet so real.

Should I laugh? Should I cry?
My life will never be the same again.
There's no such thing as a simplistic life.
The simple life which I have longed for.
Soon I come to realise how impossible it is.
Fate will always work itself against you.
And somehow I always fall a victim to fate
Never to turn my destiny back again.

Sometimes I envy the life of people in poorer countries.
They may be poorer, their life is a routine.
But at least they don't have to suffer mentally.
Because their life has become so simple that they barely have to think.
And it is so simple that they can avoid all the stress people in developed societies are going through.

So what if I have a higher standard of living?
Do I get a better life?

And so my life is so complicated now.
All I can do is declare: Life sux.

And that's all I can do.
For I know if I try to push against fate, I get pushed back harder.

And I wonder. How is it possible that the more you aim for something, the further away it gets?

I tell people not to do anything foolish no matter how depressed they are.
But I wonder if I can practise what I preach.
When I am in their shoes, I realise how easy it is to forget all the advices that everyone has given previously.

Yet I will take in anything said to me when I am feeling down.
All the rational stuff. The irrational stuff. It pushes me forward.
The correct way? The wrong way?
I have gone down both paths.
And I am glad I found the right path in the end.
But as I moved down the wrong path, I had already done damages which are irreversible.
And I have to live with it.
To bear the consequences which I have never thought of.
When one gets irrational, there are so many things one will do which even oneself will never ever expect.


"And yet I still long for that simple life that will never come..."